If you have a baby on the way and you’re worried about your current kiddo, you’re not alone. Sharing (especially sharing a parent’s attention) is tough stuff. And – love is not scarce, even if attention sometimes is.

 My oldest is a great big brother – it’s a role that he’s taken very seriously – and we still had many sad meltdown moments when his sister was a newborn (and in the years following). One of my worst moments was while breastfeeding my daughter and he wanted me to pick him up; I just couldn’t do it, and he stood a foot in front of me crying for about 10 minutes.

And also – some of my favorite Mama moments have been as witness to sweet interactions between my kids. No one makes my daughter laugh the way my son does; even if he’s the reason she was crying in the first place.

Every kid is different, and you are certain to have good moments and bad, and to witness good moments and bad between your children.

Here are some ways to set a strong foundation for an early sibling relationship. Use what feels good to you and scrap the rest!

1. Have other grown-ups talk to your child about how cool it is to be an older sibling. Our son’s teachers did a “baby unit” so that all his friends got in on the excitement of the upcoming baby. Our daughter was a celebrity in the Cloud Room before she was born! I recommend talking to your older one’s teachers and seeing if they can help you out, even if it’s just talking with your child. They might have more specific tips also since they know your kid well!
2. Play pretend with baby dolls – modeling how babies eat, pretend diapering, gentle talking and touching. Our son walked around with a doll attached at the nipple fairly often.
3. Think through ways your big kid can help. Maybe have a diaper station that is at their level (or a stool) so they can hand you diapers and wipes, for example. Or a baby toy station so they can be in charge of bringing the baby something to look at/play with. Or practice their silly faces. There’s a reason no one around here gets our daughter to laugh like her big brother does – he’s been practicing. 
4. Involve the future big with baby readiness. Our son “helped” put the crib together – less planned and more just what we needed to do that day – and the changes around the house seemed like a good companion to the visual changes in my body.  
5. Reinforce that another baby is more love for everyone. You’ll still love your first baby just as much as you do now. And, new babies take a lot of time and it will be hard for them to go from having 100% attention to something much less for awhile. 
6. Think about the “first meet”. When our son came to visit in the hospital, we had my husband meet him with the new baby at the elevator. So he met the baby first, and then came into the room and had full access to hug me without his new sister in the way. This somewhat separated the relationship between son/mama and brother/sister. 
7. Plan out “special time” between parents and your big kid. Even if it’s after a couple weeks, set aside an hour for the birthing parent to take a short outing with the “big” kid. If you have family help, special Grandma or Aunt/oldest kid time is awesome. If you’re not keeping your current childcare routine with your older kid(s) while you’re on leave, having someone take them out for an hour or two will be important (for them and you).  

Special thanks to Deb and Rhonda in the Cloud Room (to whom many of these suggestions are credited, and to whom I will be forever grateful).